Blogger Widgets Struggling Parents: July 2008

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

To me;



The seventh step begins with the word “Humbly”. In the dictionary linked being humble with being humiliated which in turn pointed to being dishonored, disgraced, and shamed. Its synonyms includes “meekness,” “submissiveness,” and “lowliness.”. Humility draws only confusion to me, as one dictionary put it, “a feeling of inferiority and insignificance,” to feel inadequate and unworthy.

I didn’t want humility! Shame and feeling of inferiority haunted me not only in active alcoholism but even before, in childhood marked by various forms of abuse and neglect. I was a child who I felt I failed in every thing. I felt like a loner, hanging out with what everyone called “Nerds.” So step seven did not seem to be of any importance to recovery. Humility and being humble are mentioned a handful of times, page 164 in the “Big Book.” I later realized that humility~ as ~ humiliation was still clouding my thinking.

I was missing something, or rather something was missing. the “Twelve and Twelve,” the In whole emphasis of the Step is on humility. “A clear recognition of what and who we are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. It is “a healer of pain” and “the avenue to the true freedom of spirit,” which can bring us to a “great turning point in our lives.” There is no humble pie or groveling desire in any of this! A friend of mine mentioned how he had gotten his family back, job, and self-respect back; his health, wealth, and a cluster of good friends- all in which made him feel “humbled.” To me, it sounded more like gratitude…

Humility is not humiliation, although humiliation could bring us to it. It wasn’t gratitude, though humility could bring us gratitude.

To me, humility relates to power: it is the recognition and acceptance of the limits of my own power. I then began to understand that humility was indeed the foundation of all the Steps, and so could be a healer of the pain, a way to spiritual freedom, and a turning point in my life.

Each Step asks humility of us. It was grudging humility, but humility nevertheless, that led me to try and seek help for my alcoholism: still a turning point in my life.

The simple word “we” stands at the beginning to the “Steps,” reminds me that it is through God’s help and the help of others that I gain the strength to work towards the spiritual awakening that is the final goal of the “Twelve Steps.”
“I begin my journey’ “humility is the food that strengthen us on my way…




There’s a “wall,” or call it a “dry spell,” another words, that feeling that the spark was gone…

AA stories are beginning to bore me and I haven’t been to very many of them. I feel like that I am in the “AA desert” I once read in a AA Grapevine magazine. Or should I call it a “Dry spell?” I have never had a sponsor, but a friend through AA. I have always avoided people becoming close to me because maybe, I feel so different. I know you’ll say that others experience the same thing, and I am not the only one who is going through the same thing. I know others say that there are many people going through the same, simpler things recovery from this illness I have.

I have always wondered if “Alcoholism” is a terminal illness…












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Pity Myself

Pity Myself

If anyone knew how to make life complicated it would be me. I grieve over the most simple situations and pity myself more than anyone I have ever met. Why must I continue to make the same mistakes? I look for the most simple of answers through sorrow. I think in the most negative ways. I can make the most easiest of situations and make them to be the most complicated ones. Just ask my Mother, or my children and they will know exactly what I am referring to.

I grew up as a lonely child, my Dad molested me when I was 6. My Dad had always called me “Teddy Bear”. My Brother and twin sister thought I was the favorite one and yet I was the one he intimately chose.

My alcoholism started when I was 18 years of age. My Mother continually told me that I was a candidate for becoming an alcoholic.

I was married by the time I was 27 and I’d already had 1 daughter by the time I was 21. My married life style was basically a alcoholic world, living in mostly a turmoil of Hell-o…My wedding day “WAS” the best day of my life, but when I met my true love after my divorce took the place of that moment. I could no longer believe that “Love” was all complicated.

You can make life complicated or you can make it difficult, what ever you chose it to be. An alcoholic lives in a life of make believe. Living in denial, negative outlook and full of pain of loneliness.
The only way out was “faith” …believe in that higher power that had more strength, then I’d ever believe. Sure I was in denial, but isn’t anyone with an addiction?








My other blog;
1. Across this bridge
2. Marketing myself
3. Struggling parents
4. When life become a book
5. Read Between the Lines
6. Internet Lifestyle
7. The Sleeping Turtle Art Gallery




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Subscribe in "Struggling Parents